Why You Should Teach Your Child to Question Everything, Even You!

              Children are incredibly curious people. There is so much to learn about the world around them. We have all witnessed a 2 to 3-year-old asking us, “why?” to literally every statement we make, and it turns into a never … ending … conversation. At the end of it, sometimes we just want to shout, “because I said so!”  However, it is so important to resist that urge.

              When we direct our children to do a task like to put their shoes on, or to wash their hands, we need to make sure we’re giving them a legitimate reason for it. We need them to put their shoes on because we’re going to the store and they can’t enter without shoes on. We need them to wash their hands because their hands are dirty and we don’t want everything in the house to get messy. There should always be a reason for anything we’re asking them to do. This needs to start as early as possible. Even before the child is verbal, we can say things like, “I know you don’t want me to change you’re diaper right now, but I need to so you don’t get a rash.” If you aren’t giving your children a reason for your demands, and then you get upset or punish them when they don’t follow those commands, it teaches them that authority doesn’t need a reason to be obeyed; it teaches them that authority is entitled to obedience.

              Starting this habit early will lead to your child being more likely to question other “authority” figures in their lives. It’s also good for us as adults to question things when our children are around. Ask your child a lot of questions during playtime or at the dinner table. It demonstrates that it’s normal and OK to have questions (and it can turn into the most hilarious conversation). If you’re at a doctor’s appointment with your children, for example, it’s a great exercise to ask the doctor questions regarding any medical advice or treatments they may be prescribing so your child can witness you questioning someone you’ve deferred some authority to.

              Of course, we won’t always be around our children every day at every hour throughout their childhood to demonstrate these things. If you send your children to school, a good question to ask them instead of simply, “what did you learn at school today?”, is something like, “was there anything your teacher said that didn’t seem right to you?”. Foster the idea to them that their teachers don’t know everything. We, as parents, don’t know everything. Most people don’t know most things and it is a wonderful trait to have the confidence to question everyone and everything.

              It’s also incredibly beneficial to simply answer “I don’t know” when you honestly don’t know the answer to something. Always giving an answer may lead your child to believe authority is omniscient. My oldest started getting into some existential questions around the age of 4. He started asking about what it means to die and what happens to us after we die. We are a secular family, so I told him we don’t know what happens. Some people believe we go to a place called Heaven, some people believe we come back as someone or something else in another life, some people believe our spirits stick around, and others think we just sleep forever. Scientifically curious, he also asked what happens to our bodies when we die. I knew some of the answers, but not all of them, so we took the opportunity to research the answers together. This shows that I, as his mother, do not know the answers to everything, and it teaches him how to find answers himself and come up with his own conclusions.

              Questioning things leads to learning things. Everything in a child’s life and throughout adulthood is a learning experience. When we teach children to question people and things, and guide them on how to find answers, or by acknowledging that we don’t always have the answers, they will gain a lot of confidence to speak up against people or institutions who may be acting as if they are all-knowing. They will learn how to trust their gut by having that comfortable space to grow up in and question outside perspectives without having to suppress their instincts. They become secure adults with the ability to think critically. Right now, your children might be protesting nap time, but perhaps in a few years, they’ll be standing up for a bullied schoolmate.

              Next time your child is questioning one of your household rules, and you don’t have a good answer for it, maybe it’s time to let go of some control and rethink that rule. And hopefully that trait sticks with your child through adulthood and they question the rule of those who attempt to govern society.